After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
