so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
