Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
