I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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