remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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