I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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