I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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