i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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