I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
