is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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