and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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