Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
