Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
