How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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