shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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