NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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