There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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