ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
