What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
