The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
