Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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