I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think i got beer on your cat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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