You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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