I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
