it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
