Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
