you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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