I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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