listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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