how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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