How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
