So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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