You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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