i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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