sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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