I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
