If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
