using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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