you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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