The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
come over.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
