i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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