OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk is not a location!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
