He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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