Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize