never play flip cup with pint glasses
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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