grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
