he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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