i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
