Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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