$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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