i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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