By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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