I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
