I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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