I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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