I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
