Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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