Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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