If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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