Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
