So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
