Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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