i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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