Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
