Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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