just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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